Goal of Life #4 Freedom, 07/24

Well, here we are at the final of the four goals and perhaps the most controversial… Freedom or Moksha. In the true context, this is freedom from the cycle of death and rebirth, but, like all things yoga, we could look at the micro and the macro to really spice things up!

It is great to look at the huge picture of many lifetimes coming to a close but I feel like there’s more power in thinking about the little ways where freedom is possible. How can we attain this goal in the small moments of a practice? Apparently, when the wise yogi chooses to die s/he melts the wax in the soft palate so that the amrit (nectar) can flow through the body ending all cycles of death and rebirth. But what if there was a kid’s menu of amrit?

Can we trigger a nectar to flow that allows healing into our bone marrow and blood?

Can we make this state less lofty and more accessible without taking away from its magnificence and sanctity?

Samskaras

Samskaras were described to me as the grooves in a DVD or album. They are like ruts of suffering that humans often mistake as reality or inescapable, when in truth, our practice is designed to show us the opposite and teach us a way out toward freedom. Our ruts were created in our minds and are therefore completely escapable.

Take a pose like Downward Dog. We can approach it with a sense of dread for the shoulders or the hamstrings and thus create a pretty miserable pose. We can approach it with pride and self-aggrandisement, pirouetting our way into a Yoga Journal worthy rendition of the pose and never actually feel the moment. Both of these are samskaras. They are limitations applied by the human mind, informed by ignorance or Tamas. They stick us in a rut of ego limitations and therefore keep us away from Moksha. They steal our freedom.

Moksha occurs when we are freed from Samskaras or imprints of suffering.

This is a larger conversation containing very small steps that occur throughout a human’s lifetime.

What can Purusha and Prakriti teach us?

I want to take a step back and consider a really big philosophy in a really small way. In Sankhya philosophy, we are all created because Purusha, unlimited potential for consciousness, wants to know himself better. Prakriti, as unlimited potential for matter, is able to create and so, between the two of them, we are created. These two entities are nothing but potential – they are unrealized. In order to get to know himself better, Purusha (and I would argue equally Prakriti) need to become matter, which really means, us. They need to incarnate into form. Form is based in “I am” or ego because matter must have a structure.

It is essential for us, as learning and growing souls incarnating into a limited body, to first be very clear in our egos. We must step into “I am” to individuate as a single drop in the vast ocean. We are supposed to rebel from our parents and think that we know way more and can do everything better than them. Sigh.

As children, we are dependent on our parents for everything. They nourish us, teach us and guide us. In this time of life, we are in the Kapha phase where everything is relationship and experience. The dirt you put in your mouth gave you a sensation and also an experience of what you were not. This is a foundational time for your ego to understand who you are and equally who/what you are not.

Then come the turbulent times of puberty and creating a life for ourselves, separate from our parents. Enter Pitta, stage right. Where Kapha is made of earth and water, hence attachment, Pitta is made of water and fire. These elements are fuel through which we create a career, family and identity. Ego plays a necessary role here to help us to define ourselves as separate and different from the others. You need to know what you are good at to then create a career of it, for example. You need to know that you are capable of nurturing an effective human into the world, in order to become a parent.

I am in my mid-50’s and if you aren’t there yet, let me tell you that this decade rocks. You are going to love it. The ego falls away to make room for clear boundaries, answers that are full of grey instead of black or white, and the most fabulous ability to stop apologising. Honestly, it is simply the best.

This is the dawn of the Vata time of life, governed by air and ether. Things get lighter here. What used to get me really steamed now has me shrug my shoulders to say, wait and see. I still have strong ideas of what needs to be done for this planet to survive but my main fuel now is trust that the correct waves are rolling. I truly believe that something way smarter than me is in charge and I have a role to play but it is smaller than my 20 year old self imagined, and that is just fine with me. This feels like freedom to me. I am closer to being the vast ocean in a single drop and my walls are more porous to the salty brine.

Had I not gone through my scraped knee Kapha time and know-it-all Pitta time, this part of my life would hold less potential for freedom. You can’t let something go, like your ego, if you never held onto it in the first place. Through me, Purusha and Prakriti had some pretty great experiences of belonging, isolating, hurting, loving and every imaginable emotion. My ego has bounced off a whole slew of boulders and canyons, which, painful as it was, has helped me to understand myself better and to celebrate my strengths without huge attachment to them.

I have no idea which lifetime I am on or whether I am coming back. I don’t know if I’m headed for the capital M Moksha or not. What I do know is that we are meant to find it here in the small windows that open for us. It may be the way you touch the bark of a tree and feel connection. Maybe it was sitting with someone close to you while they died. It may have been the time a teacher said something in a different way in Downward Dog and the whole pose opened up for you.

I used to think that enlightenment would be lit up like a movie set and utterly planet swallowing. I now think it is subtle and seeping, in the same way a steady practice seeps change into your life. I have experienced freedom in the most subtle and sweet ways. It is fluid and changing. It is quiet and peaceful. It does not exclude suffering and pain. It does include trust that in the pain there is purpose and meaning.

We are all going to be offended often. We will feel restricted and misunderstood. We will hurt and be hurt. None of this negates your opportunity to realize Moksha. It is entirely in your hands how you approach a pose and a life event. Feel it fully. Express it deeply. Live it to its limit and then let it all go.