Goal of Life #2, Kama, 04/24

Picking up from last month’s letter about Artha or wealth, the next of the 4 goals of life is Kama or pleasure and this couldn’t be better timing! We are right now cracking into Kapha season which is the season of play, childhood and cleansing! Kama can mean more than play and I will get to that, but for now, let’s let it mean play or joy.

For someone that uses the foreboding of joy as a coping mechanism, pleasure presents a really tricky invitation for me. Honestly, it can seem more risky than walking a tightrope or facing a hungry hippo. Joy and overt pleasure put a lot of us in a vulnerable position to relive times where we were shut down by well-meaning adults who also forbade joy.

Why do joy and hope need to be quelled? What is the threat? Why, when we see wonder at the world, do we rush to contain it?

I shake my head at the story of Adam & Eve. My version of God would never create a juicy apple to tempt me into pleasure and then banish me for my enjoyment of it. My version of God would want me to enjoy that apple that was created, share it with those that needed some, dole out that pleasure to others and then compost it for the health of the earth. Oh and I should leave other apples on the tree for the horses and chipmunks to eat.

Pleasure is the reason that Purusha and Prakriti gave us sense organs. We were given noses to sniff out danger but also freshly baked bread! We have ears to hear our favourite people say our names. We have eyes to see the depth of misery and the height of exquisite creation. We are alive as sentient beings to experience the pleasure and difficulty of life in a container of skin and energy, space and time.

As I am sure you are aware, our trajectory is meant to begin in this super sensory place, full of ego, nostrils and tastebuds and then we are supposed to evolve more and more toward a soul space. But does that mean that we no longer seek pleasure? I don’t think so. I actually think that kama becomes more acute the closer I get to spirit. I am more grateful. I am more present. I am more ‘here’ in this taste/touch/smell or sight than I was in my busy 30s and 40s. The closer I get to spirit, the simpler my moments become. I see the privilege of this life.

Okay, but how does this tie into our classes? We know that our students are going through similar experiences, questionings and conundrums… How do we hold space to encourage their evolution along with our own?

In my classes, I give a lot of space to emotional processing. Just this morning, I invited the class to picture opening zippers down their spines to let stories out. I didn’t mean only sad or traumatic stories, but the joyful ones too! They also need to be released, expressed and processed to make room for the experiences ahead.

If you have been to my classes, you know that I believe in weaving humour through the classes but I also want to walk that fine line where deep sadness can emerge, sometimes at the same time. It can really be shocking to find yourself laughing only to discover that underneath is this well of grief. Or under the grief is a good belly laugh.

How, as teachers, can we walk this line to invite our students to laugh and cry? And when is it too much? When are we pushing too hard?

The latter is a question that can’t be answered except in the moment. You just have to keep your spidey senses tuned to the room. I often check in with myself and ask “is this for you or for them? Are you entertaining (ego action) or actually responding (soul attunement)?” This is part of why teaching is such a rich profession, as we are always challenged to face ourselves!

Spring Into Joy

Spring offers us a time to lighten up in all ways. My classes often get a little more physical at this time of year because it is such a great time to melt the ice inside. Like the river ice that melts revealing a clog of leaves, sticks and various garbage (why is there always a diaper?), our waterways are not very different. We need to flush and move stuff through, which takes some determination and sweat! And, I think, humour.

I am going to return again to the class I taught this morning. It was my Deep & Delicious class which is a moderate level with some really great opportunities to groan. We did some lunging and twisted warriors. I didn’t do any Kundalini although I did expect to because I think it is a style of yoga designed for spring and moving Kapha out of sluggishness. What stopped me this day were the issues that the students brought in. There was anxiety, ungroundedness, stress and just a real sense of a whirl. In other words, it was a room full (and a zoomful) of humans in 2024.

From an ayurvedic perspective, there was a lot of Vata in the room, which means that a Kundalini practice could really send these people to the moon, and not in a good way. I chose to walk the fine line of holding postures with clear instructions as to how to use the muscles best, coupled with some lighthearted laughter and a deep invitation to witness what was being held.

A Kundalini practice is full of rapid movement and short and shallow breaths. I haven’t done a ton of Kundalini but enough to be able to pepper it into classes where I see fit. My issue with this particular practice is that, for me, it lacks the grounding that many of us need right now. This is only my opinion. I am not presenting this as gospel. I really respect this style of practice and I believe it needs to be used with great care and awareness. When most humans are without ground, do we need a practice that shoots our energy up and out with rapid fire?

Well, yes we do. But we can and need to do it carefully. What Kundalini does really well, in my opinion, is to melt the ice and break up the density. I often find a high degree of joy and laughter when we do this in my classes. I don’t mean to imply that Kundalini lacks weight or importance. I am just saying that it often brings light energy and joy, and that is absolutely lovely.

What we have to ask is why is there density? Is it stubbornness? Is it locking down? Is it lethargy? In this time in humanity, it is likely more what we call Vata pushing Kapha. In the same way that wind will push dirt or snow into hard packed banks, anxiety and instability (wind) will make us batten down the hatches. We are becoming dense in order to protect ourselves from this raging wind. If we then do a practice that raises the wind, are we equally going to raise our density?

My way around all of this is to bookend the practice. I begin in savasana and follow with slow gentle stabilizing postures (stabilizing body but mostly mind), then comes some Kundalini Kriyas, and then we end with more grounding and stabilizing. In my experience, I am not exacerbating vata so much as questioning and challenging the density and offering another option to stability other than density.

Does that make sense?

As humans, we need to find a way forward that isn’t about becoming Mafia style cement boots. Our global disruption is not over nor is it ending in the foreseeable future. So, how do we learn to be excellent surfers as opposed to anchors?

And where the hell is the joy?

In my experience, joy is only ever found when I am completely and absolutely present. When I have let the past be in the past and the future in the future. When I have only this moment, there is room for joy. Maybe that is why I find Kundalini so joy inducing…. It is complicated enough and attention grabbing enough that I can only be here now.

But what about actual pleasure -- Kama?

Right. Good question. Again, I would argue that pleasure is impossible unless we are fully present to what is happening (including our dreams and fantasies). Being a kid who grew up with weight issues, pleasure is tricky. I was taught that I was greedy or glutinous in most acts of pleasure. Weight gain seemed like a direct line to ‘taking too much.’

Sexuality must be only with lights off. Taking with unabashed enjoyment is frowned upon and can be seen as sinful, punishable by banishment.

So why do we have taste buds? Is this all some ruse to mess us up and catch us in the act? Is there a way to use the senses -- to be fully alive -- while still respecting this soulful journey?

Do you remember in the last newsletter about Artha, how I suggested that you use your yamas and niyamas to find your right action? If I marry my longing for pleasure with Ahimsa, then my pleasure pursuits will not cause harm to myself and others which in turn implies that I won’t fall into addiction or excess greed, right? If I lean on Satya or truth, I can know in no uncertain terms that a good dark chocolate with sea salt is unbelievably delicious. And, to eat 3 bars is not helpful. The truth is that the pleasure is really in the first bite. This is so disappointing, right?

So how do we get the most from pleasure? We get present. We help our clients to get present. We taste the chocolate. We feel the skin of our lover. This is why we are in human form. We are here to experience!

And we are here to evolve.

Be in the pleasure, be in the joy. Be in the experience of this life and let it all evolve your heart and soul.

As a teacher, our job is to walk our students through this experience of both feeling and transforming. We ground and centre ourselves and our students and then we shake them up, right? And then we ground them again. Our job is to create spaces that feel so safe that people are able to arrive. Have you ever noticed clients who actually never really arrive? We can embody the art of being present, the skill and the courage that allows us to really show up. Only then are any of us able to unzip and release the stories.

I had a new client the other day who did not give me details but told me that she had experienced a very high level of trauma in her life. I made sure she knew there were blankets and bolsters plus I told her why she might find them useful. What is a sandbag for? When I went to assist her, I asked permission to touch her shoulder and then I stuck to my word and only touched her shoulder. I saw her in the lobby after class - somehow I had not been able to get to her in the studio -- and was able to check in to make sure she was okay. She was more than okay. With misty eyes she thanked me and told me how healing the class was for her. What I saw was that she had been able to experience Kama. What I saw was an extremely brave soul who took full advantage of an experience and despite so many contrary voices, really showed up.

This is a big job. Teaching yoga is more than leading rounds of Surya Namaskar. It is an opportunity to walk people over the hottest of coals and through the strongest of winds. How many times have you had clients divulge huge stories to you? How many times have you brought some kleenex over as one of your participants let go of a long held story?

Be present to you. You need you. You carry big stories and your people carry big stories. Sometimes a good snow globe shakeup is needed and other times a sandbag weighted savasana. Or sometimes we need both.

You are allowed and expected to pursue Kama. Go get some dark chocolate with sea salt or go to the spa and sit under the waterfall longer than you think you should. Feed you. The more your tank is filled, the more you have to offer. And yeah, sometimes the artha pursuit hasn’t gone so well so we don’t have the funds to go to the spa… Find pleasure in the moments. Find pleasure in the presence. Live your yamas (Asteya) and stop putting your energy into wanting what others have.

You are right where your soul intended you to be. Be here now.

And thanks for being here with me.